Basically every local newspaper has some kind of Police Log, a place where police activity is kept on record to keep the community informed. This information includes all the traffic stops, arrests, and absolutely all the wild 911 calls and complaints that a
white small conservative stuffy town Marblehead has to offer. I am here to keep you informed on whats keeping you informed. On to the roundup:
Wednesday April 5
6 a.m. Caller complained about runners in the boot camp program at the YMCA. He stated they have run in front of his car on more than one occasion. He stated he stopped one runner and suggested that they both wear reflective clothing and that they not dart in front of cars. One of the runners then swore at him. He said he nearly struck them as they ran.
Could not agree more with the caller here. Kids these days need to have more respect for their elders/authority figures, especially these good-for-nothing youths forced to a) go for runs at 6 am on weekdays and b) be a part of a YMCA bootcamp in the first place. Not sure words like “run” and “dart” are the most realistic when we’re probably talking about some fat gamers running at the advice of their pediatrician but still. Nice touch to add in the fact he was a hold me back type of guy right at the end there too.
Thursday, April 6
7:56 a.m. A crossing guard reported a man wearing camouflage scaring children. The child that saw him was in a car with his mother and he saw the man in the woods pointing at cars. Police checked the area thoroughly and no one was there. Determined it was a tree stump misidentified as a person in camouflage.
Love to see that Al Gore has taken a page out of the IT movie marketing playbook for the new Inconvenient Truth movie. We are about to see phantom tree stumps all over this great country. #StayWoke
Our #ThisWouldNeverHappenInABlackNeighborhood of the week:
2:43 p.m. Sgt. investigating two lacrosse sticks stolen and recovered.
Friday, April 7
2:06 p.m. Male walk in said he walked by a car at the corner of Phillips and Devereux Street and there was a pipe with pot on it in plain view. He would not leave his name and walked off in the direction of Ocean Avenue.
You gotta respect this guy’s desire to be anonymous in this high-profile marijuana case. A whole pipe’s worth of weed ain’t nothing to sneeze at. Since we’ve already voted to legalize weed in this great Commonwealth, we can only expect a 5-10 men search party for the owner of what’s probably a 2002 Toyota Camry. Pre-November it would not be out of the realm of possibility to see SWAT, FBI and a State of Emergency called on this drug lord.
Saturday April 8
1:51 p.m. Caller was leaving Dunkin Donuts around 11:45 and had trouble putting his sweatshirt on. He had been looking at his Tablet and when he got outside, he realized he was missing the tablet, went back in and it was gone. Caller said there was only him and an elderly woman in the store at the time. He spoke to the manager who reviewed the video and because of where he was sitting and the angle of the sun, nothing could be seen.
Some viral marketing for that new Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine heist movie that exactly 3 people are gonna see? Probably not. An absolute PRO of an old lady committing what many would consider the perfect crime? Most likely. Old people stealing stuff is clearly hot in the streets, and if I were that old lady I’d keep at it, maybe see if that weed car from Friday is still parked nearby.
Thus ends a pretty solid week in local delinquency. Check back next week for some more hard-hitting police reporting and hopefully less stolen lacrosse sticks.
Have a local police log that covers more nitty-gritty policing? Comment below and they could be featured in a future round up!