Delivering this week’s breaking news in the world of soccer, complete with entirely reasonable takes
- One of the big storylines this week is that Barca are readying a $120M bid for Coutinho. After letting Neymar go for a record fee, they are like everyone else when payday hits, they ball the fuck out, Coutinho is the rich soccer club version of buying guac for your chipotle. This also could end up giving Liverpool a big payday in their own right which they will inevitably spend buying Southampton players, talk about trickle down economics. Barca literally can’t help themselves when it comes to spending their money. They need to have some one who they can just leave their money with knowing it’s out of reach and in good hands. Luckily when it comes to Barca and La Liga, money management is certainly a strength, just ask Messi, Ronaldo, and Neymar’s dad. It says the other name barsellona is looking at is Dembele, and I’m all in on this guy. Give me a front line of DMS, it would look a lot better for Pepe when he slides into them.
- Gareth Bail has been rumored to be leaving Real Madrid this summer for a return to the premier league, and United are a perfect fit. Since June they have been exactly one man bun shy of being true title contenders, so they either sign Bale or wait until Blind grows his back, and if growth at the back is what it’s gonna take for that to happen, they are much better off with the Welshman.
- Kylian Mbappe has been linked with Real Madrid for a while now, along with all the big names, Chelsea, Man City, Barcelona. Which is exactly why I think he will go to Juventus. At this point Mbappe is as popular a Frenchman around Europe as Emmanuel Macron, so it seems like a no-brainer that he would be attracted to the Old Lady. Give it a few years, and Monaco could always come calling for a return to France with the #MBack hashtag that practically writes itself
- Everyone couldn’t stop talking about Kolasninac in the FA Cup, and how he put the back in left back. The man is low key thicc, and I’m genuinely concerned that Arsenal will run out of shirts that fit him cus they tend to stop making anything over a children’s medium.
- Bayern beat Dortmund in the German Super Cup, with goals coming from Lewandowski, Aubameyang, Pulisic, and Burki on his own net. I have nothing else to add here, just like shouting out the next Great American Hope whenever I can.
- An additional club has lined up to take Thomas Lemar off of Monaco’s hands, with Liverpool allegedly being interested. To maintain his quality, he’ll really need to find the right fit if he decides to leave. If Kendrick has taught us anything, you really don’t want to take a Lemar out of his element. Arsenal has had like three offers rejected by Monaco for this guy. Gunners is really just another way of saying shooting your shot, so it doesn’t surprise me that they believe that if they can just keep asking, Monaco will eventually say yes.
Check back next week for more takes on drama both on and off the pitch