It’s mid-summer, which means we are officially balls-deep in Thrones season. It’s the best time of the year, but after a while all the takes and predictions for each episode can get a little stale. Luckily summer is also a bit of a dead zone sports wise, which is why it’s the perfect time to combine the hype of thrones with the lull in the world of sports.
An age old question. How would the heroes of the most entertaining show on TV fare in the most entertaining professional sports league? After thinking long and hard, here is what I got for a GoT NBA team:
PG: Arya Stark
Super feisty, attacking point guard. Will definitely have some crazy nights on the stat sheet, but a major concern is whether or not she can gel with her teammates given her me-first mentality.
SG: Oberyn Martell
The dude can finesse. Just looking at his final battle scene alone is all the tape I need to know that this guy can dribble like a motherfucker. The one con is he is a bit of a head case with his trash-talking, and that he has a hard time finishing off big games.
SF: Khal Drogo
Big strong and aggressive wing, what’s not to like? Proven experience as a team leader, Drogo is for sure the alpha in this starting 5. When he plays well, the team will be in a great position.
PF: The Hound
A physical big with a killer instinct. Plus his chemistry with Arya will result in some DELICIOUS pick-and-roll basketball. Another plus with The Hound is that you don’t need to worry about him throwing up errant shots all game; he’s not a big fan of heat checks.
Just a big fucking body to clog up the lane. He’s not going to be anything to write home about offensively, but with his size he will definitely get boards on boards on boards. He’ll be a focal point on defensive too. If you can hold the door you can take a charge.
Guard Off the Bench: Bronn
Bronn livens up all his scenes in the show, so naturally he will make everybody look better on the court. Another swashbuckling ball handler to energize the second unit.
Big Off the Bench: Tormund
Just an all-out grinder. Super loyal and will fight to the end, great to throw in the middle of a tight game. Gotta make sure to buy Brienne season tickets though to make sure Psycho T is bringing his A-game every night.
Wing Off the Bench: Jon Snow
A hard decision not to start the King in the North, but having Jon as a 6th man is a pretty good problem to have and really speaks to the depth of this team. One of the most disciplined and hard working players on the roster, Jon has the ability to be the guy down the stretch and will definitely get valuable minutes due to the fire in his gut and the ice in his veins (see what I did there?)
Rookie that might get some minutes but probably not: Gendry
The kid has a lot of promise, but realistically will get stashed overseas for like 5 seasons.
No brainer. The best motivator this side of the narrow sea. She will get this team to play for her, and play her way. Just as the mother of dragons can create a formidable force out of bit parts ranging from all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds, she will get this team to gel in no time.
Assistant Coach: Tyrion
Dany’s right hand man, Tyrion if nothing else is a tactician. The inbounds plays alone will be a sight to see. He and Bronn will continuously be featured on SC Top-10 for their coordinated bench celebrations after Khal Drogo dunks the ball through the goddam center of the earth.
Owner: Lady Olenna
Bankrolling this team is none other than the head of House Tyrell. Never at a loss for words, this sass-master is going to run her own press conferences like she is Jerry Jones. Although her sideshow antics might hurt the team from time to time, Lady Ollena’s competitiveness and hunger to win is as much as any dowager’s.
Record: 45-37. I seriously think this team could beat the Knicks.